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Sports

Manny Problems Ahead for Sox?

Manny Ramirez will be in a White Sox uniform Tuesday night. Be afraid ... be very afraid.

We all know Manny Ramirez brings a lot of baggage to the White Sox. Here are some potential ugly scenarios I'm most worried about seeing:

  • Hawk Harrelson shows his support by sporting dreadlocks.
  • Teeny-weeny Juan Pierre plays a practical joke by hiding in Manny's ridiculously baggy pants, but it goes horribly wrong when Manny slides into second base.
  • First we excused bad behavior by saying, "It's Ozzie Being Ozzie." Now we'll have to get used to saying, "It's Manny Being Manny." Next: "It's Brent Lillibridge Being Brent Lillibridge."
  • Oney Guillen becomes Manny's Twitter tutor.
  • Andruw Jones and Mark Kotsay, incensed over seeing their at-bats dwindle, walk out on the team. Wait … that one's a good thing.
  • Manny hits .295 with five homers and 14 RBI in his month with the Sox, so they decide to retire his number and build a statue in his honor.

In all seriousness, I'm not thrilled about Manny joining the Sox. Intrigued? Of course. Who wouldn't be? There's rarely a dull moment in MannyWorld.

But this guy represents so much of what you don't want in a teammate: A drug policy violator (50-game suspension last season); a one-man M.A.S.H unit (three DL stints this season); a first-ballot entrant in the Me First Hall of Fame. Was it just me, or did Paul Konerko — a first-class guy and the team captain — sound awfully wary of Manny when questioned by reporters in the last week or so?

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Can Manny go on a hitting tear and lead the Sox into the playoffs? He did it for the Dodgers by hitting almost .400 after coming over from Boston in 2008. But that was over the span of 53 games; the Sox have 32 games remaining heading into Monday's game in Cleveland. Can an older and more broken-down Manny approach that lightning-in-a-bottle performance? Doubtful.

Yes, desperate times call for desperate measures. But hitting hasn't been the Sox's problem during their recent slide. I wish Kenny Williams had traded for bullpen help, as the Twins did (twice). I wish it didn't feel like Kenny has made a deal with the devil — a devil who comes with a $4 million price tag for a month's work.

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In any case, Manny will don his Sox uniform Tuesday night, and most of Sox Nation will be riveted.  And no, I won't be able to look away.

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