Accused 'Machete Man' Says All He Had on Him Was a Lighter: OMGPD

OMGPD is an occasional collection of Patch Chicago's weird and noteworthy crime posts.

Machete vs. the Mouse: A man armed with a machete ranted about skinning his neighbors and burning down their house, according to New Lenox police. But the accused machete-wielding assailant, Adam Nelson, told Patch he had no machete: "I didn't even have a screwdriver. A pack of smokes and a lighter—that's all I had." Nelson said he was worried about his 10-year-old son being hit by a recklessly driving neighbor, and that the man he confronted ran away from him and hid behind his dad.
» New Lenox Patch

Looked Like a Crime Spree to Me, Officer: In Lake Bluff, doing what everyone else does with their smartphone will prompt someone to call the cops on you. Police were called about a man on a local bike path who was using his smartphone to photograph people or text at about 3:30 p.m. on Friday, July 18. When police found the alleged evil-doer, the man told police he was texting. I guess we'll have to find out from the NSA what he was texting.
» Lake Forest-Lake Bluff Patch

Hot Dogs: A woman in Joliet is accused of leaving her dog and four puppies locked up inside her truck, where temps reached 100 sweltering degrees. When police found the truck, they noticed the mother dog was tied to the steering wheel and covered in her own feces. Upon a finding of guilty, perhaps the punishment here should fit the crime — lock this woman in her truck on a hot summer's day and fill the cab with her own droppings.
» Joliet Patch

Caught on Tape: A car drove through packaging tape suspended between two trees on opposite sides of a road in Glenview earlier this month. Three kids were arrested. They were easy to spot because the sticky-fingered culprits each had tape wrapped from ear to ear to push their noses up like a pig's.
» Glenview Patch

Mr. Pinkie: An Elmhurst woman out walking her dog was freaked out by an overly polite old fella wearing red nail polish on his pinkie fingers who talked to her dog and tried to pick it up. When the dog wouldn't allow any manhandling by Mr. Pinkie Fingers, the man told the woman to "have a nice day" and then stared at her. She was creeped out enough to call the cops.
» Elmhurst Patch

Mr. Brass Knuckles: A teen-ager stopped by Orland Park police had a little explaining to do when the police found brass knuckles in his PT Cruiser. The teen told cops he needed them because he "lived in Burbank." It's like a scene out of West Side Story there, I guess.
» Orland Park Patch

ALSO ON PATCH

• Glenview to Pay $95k for Cops Accused of Lying on the Stand
• Elks Club Bartender Accused of Skimming Beer Sales
• Man Wanted for Endangering Children Endangers a Child While Running from the Cops
• Cop Attacks Ex Girlfriend and Her New Guy: Police